I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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