My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize