My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Randomize
