Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
