i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
