it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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