no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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