Betty ford says i'm here all night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
