just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
