Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
