So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
