My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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