A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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