im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize