AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize