Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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