am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
a search helicopter?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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