Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
