Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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