Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
