Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
