I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
