I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
