I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
