You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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