i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
