time to smoke my breakfast
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
