Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
