On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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