Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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