Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
