Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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