how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
