I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
