Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
