Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
