Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize