I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
