His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
