I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
