I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
