3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize