I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
