the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize