Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
