Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
