This girl is more easily done than said...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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