he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
