Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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