literally had 100 drinks last night.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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