Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize