we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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