So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
