i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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