three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
