I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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