i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
