Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We have started to decorate penises.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
