I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
