Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
