Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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