i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
