well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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