I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
