my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
