I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
