i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
