is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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