It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
